Over 60 years ago, Marilyn Monroe sang of the stone that captivated the hearts (and bank accounts) of millions, but are diamonds still a girl’s best friend?
Why do we spend thousands of dollars on this rock? Are diamonds better quality than other stones? Not necessarily. Rarer? No. Look at the hand of most married women in the US, and you’ll find a diamond. Indeed diamonds are beautiful, but the correct answer is…marketing! Yes, we spend tons of money on diamonds due to the genius marketing plan developed by N.W. Ayer and implemented by De Beers1.
America’s Love Affair with Diamonds Begins
In the early 1900s, the diamond engagement ring was not popular, and sales were declining significantly. The Oppenheimer family had a monopoly on the diamond industry and needed a way to increase the demand for the stone.
Their solution? Create an emotional attachment to diamonds. Europe was on the verge of war during the late 1930s, which made United States a prime market for diamonds1.
Diamonds synonymous with love soon appeared in movies, the tag line “A Diamond is Forever” was created, and the 4 C’s were introduced in their advertisements. Within three years, Americans were convinced that diamonds meant love, and the diamond became the traditional engagement ring we see today2.
Enter the Millennial
The diamond industry is in trouble once again, with prices forecasted to decline up to 10% in 2018. So many alternatives are available, and I’ve noticed more and more of my friends (yours truly included) opting for alternative stones and nontraditional bands.
Three in four millennials prefer to spend their money on experiences over material things. I’d choose a vacation to Paris or Bora Bora over a piece of jewelry any day! Combine that with a mound of student loan debt, bleak job prospects, and the desire to be unique, and you’ve got a whole generation that tends to be less attracted to diamonds than their predecessors.
The Nontraditional Engagement Ring Experience
I got to speak with several of my friends about their nontraditional engagement rings and here’s what I learned:
Opportunity cost was definitely a factor in selecting a nontraditional engagement ring
Let me preface this by saying that these women are successful and financially well off, IMHO. Two are pilots, one is a nurse/naval reserve officer, and two are teachers, so I am by no means implying that they could not afford a diamond.
Opportunity cost is what people give up when they make one choice over another. We all have a finite income to live off of, and if we choose to buy one thing, such as a diamond, we choose to give up other things, like vacations or luxury purses. Unfortunately, we can’t have it all! Opportunity cost is what you give up. These women understand opportunity cost and prioritized other purchases over diamonds.
Check out my blog on How To Save $100,000. Choosing a nontraditional engagement ring helped me achieve this goal!
None of them were enamored by diamonds
Most of the ladies used diamond accents but didn’t choose a diamond for the center stone. They knew other options were available and went for what THEY wanted instead of what society told them they should choose. I know most of them personally and consider the ones I do know to be incredibly confident, adventurous, and unique.
Since they are adventurous and love to travel, a perk of not getting a diamond is not worrying too much about losing it. Of course, we would be devastated if we lost our rings, but peace of mind is definitely a benefit.
They disliked the engagement ring competition
Although they are competitive, successful, and driven, a few of them felt like engagement rings were a status symbol and disliked the emphasis that was placed on the rings. Talk of cut, clarity, color and carats didn’t interest them at all.
What do others think of their nontraditional engagement ring?
When I asked these women if they were criticized or scared of criticism of their engagement ring, the answer was a unanimous NO! The thought of criticism never entered their minds, and no one dared to say to them, “Oh, it isn’t a diamond. That’s too bad.”
I on the other hand, felt differently and was a bit apprehensive about my stone choice. I originally wanted morganite but chose not to go with it because it’s not very durable. So, I went with a pale pink lab created SiC (silicon carbide). It’s second in hardness to the diamond and is double faceted and more sparkly, which is why I chose it over the diamond.
But, my stone is so pale that it looks quite white in most light. I didn’t want people to think that I was trying to fake a real diamond, but it became quite awkward to talk about SiC each time a stranger complemented my “diamond.” Oh well, this blog is out, so anyone I haven’t already told knows now! And no, I do not regret my decision nor have I received any criticism on my stone.
Advice from the Ladies for Anyone Considering a Nontraditional Engagement Ring
Do your research. Some natural stones are softer than others, which makes them more susceptible to chips and scratches. If you have an active lifestyle, consider harder, more durable stones.
Cubic zirconia is a stone of the past and is inferior to the lab gems we have available today. Technological advances allow warrantied stones to be created, like SiC, that rival the hardness, durability, and beauty of diamonds. You can also buy flawless lab created diamonds and sapphires!
Different men will have different reactions to your ring choice. Some fiances were relieved about the cost, some were indifferent, and others were concerned that they weren’t buying a real diamond. One of the men even bought a diamond engagement ring in addition to the nontraditional ring so that the engagement would be a surprise while the nontraditional ring was being designed.
If you’re thinking of a nontraditional engagement ring, these ladies say, don’t be afraid to be unique! Choose the stone and setting that is right for you. You’re the one who will live with the ring and see it every day. Get something that makes your heart smile, diamond or not 🙂
Special thanks to Katrina, Anna, Lorelei, and Theresa for their contribution to this blog!
Very interesting and smart. I personally wouldn’t mind a non-traditional wedding ring. I do however need to be certain that the ring will last a lifetime.
Author
Thank you! I had the same concern, which is why I decided to go with the SiC stone (moissanite, amora gem, diamelia, NEO). A lot of the lab created stones come with a lifetime warranty against damage and defects. I’m pretty rough with mine and have had no issues!
I think it’s so cool that diamonds, which are pure carbon instead of silicon and carbon like the SiC, can be manufactured too, but I preferred the look of the SiC.
As someone with a nontraditional engagement ring, I love this post!! My fiance and I got engaged while we were in graduate school, so cost was definitely a factor we considered. I also had a huge emotional attachment to my stone…it was a stone that my parents and grandmother had purchased for me (not necessarily for my e-ring!) when I was 6. It is my birthstone, an aquamarine, and is also the school color of my alma mater. It was a no brainer decision! Aquamarines are considered a softer stone, but I haven’t had any issues with it. However, I am very protective of it because it has so much sentimental value. I would be devastated if I lost it or damaged it! I opt to go ring-less if I am traveling out of the country or doing an activity such as boulder climbing that seems like a bad idea for fine jewelry.
Author
Aquamarines are so pretty! I love that the stone meant a lot to you 🙂 One of the ladies I spoke with wanted the aquamarine but opted for sapphire because of the durability. Glad to hear you haven’t had any issues with yours! I am totally for going ringless. We have to remove our rings for work when we fly, so the days that I fly, I just don’t wear my rings. I’m too scared I’ll lose them!
Amen to all this! I’m engaged and I do not have a diamond ring. One of the other factors that strongly influenced my decision was ethical sourcing. Between that, knowing that the cultural obsession with diamonds is a product of de Beers marketing, and weighing the opportunity cost I decided I didn’t want a diamond ring. That said I have a *very* non-traditional ring – my fiance and I wear matching silicone rings, so I don’t even have a metal band or any stone. This was mostly a practical decision: I’ve worn rings for years but I always end up destroying them (I’ve lost stones, warped bands, scratched/dinged/dented/lost jewelry – you name it!) and I just didn’t want the hassle with my engagement ring, so we went the ultra active route and got me a silicone band. I wear it running, hiking, biking, playing soccer, and climbing and don’t have to worry about anything horrible happening to my ring or my finger 😊
Author
Ethical sourcing seems to be more and more of an issue people are aware of thankfully! It was a consideration of mine as well as a few of the other women I spoke with. I know lots of people who wear the silicone bands and a few that opted for tattoos. My husband and I have talked about getting the silicone bands because it’s the only kind we are allowed to wear at work, but we haven’t gotten around to it yet. I mostly just go ringless!
As someone who’s never been into the diamond marketing, I really liked this post! So many diamonds are not ethically sourced, and I would much rather have something a little more unique and interesting to look at than a diamond like (almost) everyone else. It’s also always interesting to hear people’s stories as to why they chose a nontraditional engagement ring.
Author
Thanks Kate! I always get excited when I see other women opting for something other than a diamond. I love seeing what other people choose. It really shows a lot about their sense of style and personality!
Although my husband chose a diamond for me, I love the idea and uniqueness of these. Great tips for anyone currently looking for engagement rings!
Author
Thank you! Diamonds are still the go to stone!
I have never thought about a non-traditional ring. This is such a cool perspective 🙂
-xo, Azanique | http://www.lotsofsass.com
Author
Thank you!